Day 1

I've started this blog to chronicle my first year living with my boyfriend. I have eventual plans of publishing the blog into a book as an anniversary gift for him in 2011. So, Danny, I'm going to write down my thoughts and feelings involving us and things that don't have anything to do with us for an entire year and see what happens. I hope this little project of mine will give us some insight into our relationship. I think this will be incredibly interesting and I've promised myself to be as brutally honest without being cruel.

So, I've started exactly 10 days before your imminent arrival on March 18th. Right now I'm so bogged down with school I could just vomit, but I think things will be easier once you're actually here and I can't just stop fucking worrying about it!

We're both taking a huge risk in the name of love by living together in the first place. You're from Canada, I'm from the states. I admire your fearlessness of living in a completely new country, but worry that it will eventually be used as ammo against me. Silly, isn't it? I bet you're going to read this on February 25th, 2011 and laugh at my anxiety. I'm terrified that things will fall through for you socially...I'm scared you'll be dependent on me...I'm scared jobs will be scarce...I'm scared that just because it's hard in the beginning, you'll take it personally and make things too hard on yourself....BUT!

I also can't wait to have you here! Those are some of the worries I have about getting you here. I'm also thrilled it's going to happen; to have a normal relationship, one without fear of persecution from peers, one where we have the normal, everyday little things that have been denied to us for so long. We'll get to shop together, celebrate together, mourn together, depend on each other, have non-text-battle fights, have SEX. Man, I'm really looking forward to the sex. It's so wonderful with you. Hmm...I just realized my honesty in this little journal means that if we have children, they are forbidden to view this. Unless we're both dead. Then they can see it, because I'll never have to look them in the eye. I can't wait to make decisions about holidays and family and the like.

Also, I'm going to try and include a quote for every post. Hopefully one that is appropriate for the day. So the first quote of my blog will be from Leo Tolstoy who said, "He now felt that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began." This is the quote I based the name of the blog on, and I think it describes our relationship very well. We are extremely complementary of one another, bringing out the best in each other, but not entirely sure where one person's best ends and the other begins.

Anyway, my heart, I hope you enjoy this...

Love,
Emily